Thoughts and Sayings (March 2012)


thinkerHere are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in February. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I have a hangover from a heavy bout of writing and imbibing the fruits of my labor.

2. “Passive aggressive” is how an aggressive individual describes a passive person who has finally had enough of them.

3. From morning to evening I toil, and from evening to morning I rest. Ne’er shall the twain meet unless fate takes away the rest.

4. Whenever I burn the midnight oil, all I have left the next day are fumes.

5. Fascinating Oscar tidbit: No one named Oscar has ever won an Oscar.

6. Don’t bite the hand that doesn’t feed you either.

7. Oh how I hate to get up in the morning, oh how I hate to get out of bed. I think I’ll pretend it’s evening instead.

8. I dropped a bombshell, but it was a dud.

9. Why climb a mountain when you can level it?

10. Mornings are like dreams. Sometimes you never want them to end, and sometimes they’re simply nightmares.

11. If lettuce has a head, where’s the body?

12. A hippopotamus that criticizes another is being hippocritical.

13. I hired myself to manage my personal affairs. The pay is lousy, but I have a great boss.

14. I fired myself from managing my own affairs. I was taking the job too personally.

15. I’m exhausted. That’s great if you’re a muffler, but not if you’re a snorer.

16. I can’t understand why real life keeps me from spending time online with my imaginary friends.

17. That sound bite took a chunk out of my ear.

18. Facebook should let you friend yourself and Twitter should let you follow yourself so you can receive updates on how you’re doing.

19. A romantic ditty to tell your loved one on Valentine’s Day: “Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.”

20. Love is patient, love is kind, but you better buy red roses or you’re going to be in a heap of trouble.

21. Somebody should write a book called “A Pair of Normal Bromances” about some average Frankenstein’s Monsters who share a strong fraternal bond.

22. Saying something when everyone is asleep is a great way to be heard. It’s just too bad no one is around to listen to what you have to say.

23. I try to embrace my differences, but they’re always arguing with each other. Most of the time I have to separate them.

24. I rid myself of the negative energy but now have none left.

25. It’s more fun to be the younger sibling when you get older.

26. I wonder what my mind is thinking right now.

27. The Squat Heard ‘Round the World – The New York Giants beat the New England Patriots in the Superbowl by an unwanted touchdown.

28. The world’s going to hell in a hand basket but doesn’t have enough material to finish weaving it.

29. I’m so far behind that it’s going to take me awhile to get less farther behind.

30. Does Punxsutawney Phil make you want to run and hide or leave you scared of your own shadow?

31. The slash and burn method works whenever you have piles of work to do and they’re all hot.

32. Light can’t travel. It doesn’t have suitcases or a passport.

33. I just got back from a bike ride. It gave me a chance to catch up with my thoughts. Walking was too slow.

34. Rovio should partner with Warner Bros. to produce a game called “Tweety Birds” where angry yellow birds pelt Sylvester the Cat with 140 character tweets.

35. “Name the Wat” is a fun game to play in Thailand where you nickname a temple, or “wat,” whenever you see one. My favorite temples are “Wat Dowedonow” and “Wat Areyoudoin.”

36. If a movie is boring, here’s a trick to make it more interesting. Pick one character and count how many times they do one thing on screen. Sarah Jessica Parker brushed aside her hair no less than 16 times (not counting scratching head lice) in “I Don’t Know How She Does It.” Watching her was very entertaining.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (February 2012)


Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in January. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. While a constitutional sounds painful, it’s a great way to get the ideas out and the thoughts flowing.

2. In Asia, it’s okay to impose on someone but rude not to accommodate. In the West, it’s rude to impose on someone and okay not to accommodate.

3. I’m on a liquid diet to turn my keg-sized stomach into six-pack abs.

4. My son plays on the computer so much that it makes me want to screen.

5. When I was younger, I didn’t want to go to sleep because I wasn’t tired. Now that I’m older, I’m tired but won’t go to sleep.

6. I’m taking a social media break to write a book. What a novel concept.

7. Being the short one in a relationship does not make you less of a person.

8. I try to catch inspiration whenever it crosses my mind, but it is much too fleeting.

9. I ran into Trouble. He said to tell you hello.

10. I can’t keep my id from fighting with my ego and superego. It must be cerebral rivalry.

11. A loser wins when a winner loses.

12. The automated prayer request program has malfunctioned. You’re going to have to do it manually.

13. Wine is fine but puts me down every time.

14. You can’t put me in a box because my head is too big.

15. If you pay for something in Thailand, you baht it.

16. I think my brain power can be used as an energy-saving device.

17. I exercise before dinner to make room for more calories.

18. I’m preparing to render my treasure unto Caesar. Too bad Caesar doesn’t accept payment in moth and rust.

19. Measure as many times as it takes to get a consensus and then cut. If no agreement is reached, let it rot.

20. Fair is a four-letter word.

21. If you lose something profound, does it become prolost?

22. These thoughts and sayings may be insightful or inciteful depending on your disposition.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (January 2012)


Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in December. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I would have more time if life were measured in teraseconds.

2. I asked Santa for an iPhone 4S, but all he gave me was an apple. I’m trying to figure out where the communication breakdown occurred.

3. Muscle is fickle; fat sticks around forever.

4. Fight for your right; on the other hand, appreciate what’s left.

5. There’s no one else above you unless an airplane is flying over.

6. Somewhere on the way to the mall and the post office, Christmas went from being a holiday celebration to an annual ritual.

7. Failure isn’t an option, but crying is.

8. A trail lawyer is someone who’s lost in the wilderness but litigates a new path.

9. Savor fashion by tasting it.

10. You leave me breathless every time we climb together to new heights.

11. Virtually every media site publishes their “Best of 2011” lists weeks before the year ends. Poor December is left out in the cold.

12. A Chinese wife told her husband that she loved him as far as East is from West; her American husband said that he loved her as far as West is from East.

13. Those who complain of squished grapes are merely wining.

14. The in-laws have landed.

15. Being an armchair quarterback does not make you ready to throw a touchdown.

16. Modern life has advanced so fast that we can hardly keep up.

17. Some kids collect sports cards. Mine collects credit cards.

18. Let’s see if we’re going to see some sights.

19. When the stock market goes up, my blood pressure goes down.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (December 2011)


Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in November. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Enjoy!

1. Let your light shine, but don’t be a klieg light.

2. A Monday in the office is better than a day in the grave.

3. The only turkey I want over for Thanksgiving should be on my dinner table.

4. Do you spend more time…or money?

5. I enjoy having you around but prefer you a-flat.

6. Like a knife, are you on the cutting edge or flat and dull?

7. Don’t fiddle around with playing someone like a fiddle.

8. You can put the Dole on a banana, but you can’t put a banana on the dole.

9. Why die for something when you can live for something else?

10. Don’t let the messenger shoot!

11. Although you may get better with age like fine wine, a bottle of wine will spoil if you open it.

12. It’s like two birds killing me with one stone.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (November 2011)


I’ve been doing some tweeting on Twitter to figure out how to use the site. Until recently Twitter was a big mystery to me, but I’m slowly figuring out the tweeting “game.” As far as I can tell, Twitter is essentially a race to win as many followers as possible so that when you have something important to say, you can broadcast it and get the word out to hundreds or thousands of people. Unless you have something really profound to say, like eyewitness reports of major events, it can be hard work getting noticed amid all the tweets. After the umpteenth offer for a free credit report or miracle cure, tweeting starts to lose its luster.

To get the balling rolling on Twitter, I started posting random thoughts and sayings. To my knowledge, I came up with them. Many are puns or wordplays with some kernel of wisdom or wit. I’ll post new ones from time to time. For now, enjoy the first batch.

1. Why does the dentist, after poking and prodding your mouth with a sharp tool, scold you when they draw blood?

2. The most common type of ship is friendship, but an increasingly rare kind is a dictatorship.

3. I am somewhere between 1 and 99 percent, but I’m still figuring out how to Occupy my time.

4. If the chemistry and biology are good, sociology is sure to follow.

5. Your body is a temple, not a stadium.

6. Worrying will not add an hour to your life, but exercise can.

7. If some are followers and some are following, who is leading?

8. Editors should help writers find their voice rather than inserting theirs.

9. If a cat has nine lives, how many lives does a big cat have?

10. Don’t get even. Get even better.

11. It’s hard to fit in when everyone is so different.

12. “Fried!” I said to the chicken.

13. Reach for the sky, because if you shoot for the moon you might see stars.

Korean test exhaustion


I took my second Korean language progress test today.  It was something I had been anticipating for over a month and worked hard to prepare for.  I did fine, and my test score was around where I thought I needed to be at this point in my testing–at the 1+ level in speaking at 24 weeks (on a 0-5 scale).  Overall I did OK on my exam.  I used complicated vocabulary well, and my sentence patterns were decent.  I made some mistakes.  My fluency is lacking, and I don’t have a large vocabulary.  My ability to talk about complex concepts is still very limited.  I also misunderstood some directions on the interview portion of the exam and took a minute to recover.  That was one of the lowlights.  On the other hand, my freeform conversation with the tester was great.

The testing observer confirmed these results with me, but apparently the tester did not think I did too well.  That’s a little disconcerting.  I know I need to buckle down and work harder–and smarter–but I don’t know what gave them the impression I didn’t do so well.  I haven’t have a chance to talk to them yet.  They talked to my wife, who was a bit alarmed because she did not talk to the observer who graded me and thought I had bombed the test.  I believe I’m close to where I need to be, but I also know I need to work harder because the learning curve will continue to grow steeper.  Unfortunately, I’m not gifted at learning languages.  I do fine, but I have to really work hard when learning a foreign language.  I have to work at learning technical subject.  Language development is very technical because all languages are built on a set of grammar and pronunciation rules.  Some universities compare the ability to learn foreign languages to learning mathematics.  I like numbers and languages, but I am not inherently a math person–nor apparently am I a guru at learning languages.  It’s a necessity though in my field and will help me communicate as I travel around the world.  I’ll learn, but it won’t be easy.

Tomorrow I’ll go to the tester and find out what’s on their mind.  I want to make sure I know their personal assessment of my Korean ability.  I also gave the testing tape to a third-party to review for their feedback.  I want to make sure that all instructors in the program know where I am in Korean and will give me the help I need to get to where I need to be before I finish the class.